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Posts Tagged ‘visitation’

19 Jan 2015

My Boy Is Coming of Age

Coming of Age. It’s exciting to see it happen in front of our eyes. We aren’t often ‘awake’ to see it unfold, though months and years later we can recall it as one of those ‘moments.‘

Sunday, instead of taking my son bowling (you’ll recall I mentioned he was working me for a trip to the bowling alley) I took him shopping for a desktop pc. We first went to Fry’s Electronics, then later over to Best Buy. Nothing in the desktop world really excited me since the prices were higher than I’d expected. HOWEVER, and this is a big one, Best Buy had a killer sale on a laptop computer. Chris gets bored with such shopping and scurried off to play video games in the store. While he was gone I purchased the laptop and gave it to him to carry while we walked out. At first he didn’t realize that it was his very first laptop, then I told him what I’d done. You never saw a kid’s eyes grow so huge! Read the rest of this entry »

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19 January, 2015 at 12:28 by Tim Hief

Tags: coming of age, divorce, first laptops, gifts, visitation
Posted in Family Stories | 1 Comment »

19 Jan 2015

Today I was a soccer dad

Scenes from the field

Scenes from the field

Saturday was a day that is not played out often in my life. I took my son to his soccer game.

Last night it rained like I was it was February in Seattle Washington, some of the rain lingered into the early morning light. I heard my cell phone as it received the morning weather alert precisely at 8:10 AM as it does every morning and duly ignored it. Chris however arose and left the room to watch Saturday morning cartoons. I remember as a kid, on my game days, being just as interested in watching Johnny Quest or Captain America as I was in winning my baseball or soccer game too. Read the rest of this entry »

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19 January, 2015 at 12:28 by Tim Hief

Tags: divorce, memories with son, soccer, soccer dad, travel, visitation
Posted in Family Stories | Comments Off on Today I was a soccer dad

15 Jul 2007

Make mine a tall stack please

Make_mine_a_tall_stackI enjoy reliving my childhood through the eyes of my kids. The things I recall most about my childhood were not the times we did things out of the ordinary, it was the routines. I found an amazing amount of security in the day to day rhythm to our family life. Mornings were always filled with my brother and me wanting MORE sleep and being slow to get up. We’d hear mom yell from down stairs, “Get up, it’s time to get up!” We either moaned and ignored her or yelled something foul in an effort to ward her off, neither worked of course. The final volley from mom was always “Get up…:::a pause, then:::: GET UP, GET UP, GET UPPPPPPP!!!!!” She was relentless. On occasion mom would get fed up and wouldn’t wake us up. The school bus pulling up to the stop in front of the house was like an air raid siren to me. It would jerk me out of my morning slumber faster than mom ever could. Oddly I would always protest to my mom about NOT waking me up at a time like that. The routine was missed when it ceased, but while it was there, it was taken for granted. Read the rest of this entry »

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15 July, 2007 at 23:19 by Tim Hief

Tags: family, fun times, pancakes, short stack, visitation, what kids eat, young daughter, young son
Posted in Blogroll, Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

11 Jul 2007

Life is ending in three days

May2006ChrisSleepingOnMassageTableFor as long as I can recall I’ve remembered dates, I think its how I am wired. I can make an “anniversary” out of just about any event that catches my attention. Over the years I figured my method for having an iron trap memory. I don’t actually remember the date; I remember how to figure the date out from the other events going on at the time. Cool eh?

For example, I knew something important had occurred in November, the year was 1979 because I wasn’t married or out of college yet, it happened the night of a concert on a Friday… oh yes, November 3rd 1979 I proposed to my first wife. That’s how it works.

Of course that example is a big date, trust me though, the lesser dates never seem to escape me.

Each year since my first divorce (…and I hate saying ‘first’) I dread the final days of summer visitation with my kids. My second ex-wife (…does this madness ever end!?) used to tell her kids to stay clear of me for the week before and after, I wasn’t the most pleasant person you’d find.

When I know the end is at hand my behavior changes. I do things to drag out the final days, forestall the inevitable, and often rob myself and others of sweet goodbyes and fond memories of completely good times.

July 26th is the day that lumes large this summer, my son returns to Arizona.

Last year July 27th was the fast approaching foe, that was the day my son hopped on a plane and returned to Phoenix in 2006. Adding pressure to my sinking feeling was pressures at work because I was up against deadlines, I labored over how to make the final days with my son pleasant. A close friend listened to me obsess about my situation and then offered some advice, and for me the moment was an epiphany. Here is the advice: If you had only three days left to live, with whom would you rather spend your time with? You wouldn’t waste another thought about unfinished work of your employer! And then… BAM! Flashing lights went off, sirens sounded, fans cheered, I breathed a sigh of relief and my load suddenly lightened. That simple advice freed me.

I enjoyed the remaining days with my son, I didn’t work even for a moment. I was unconcerned about the deadlines, metaphorically speaking you see, “life was ending in three days and it’s my son that I wanted to spend the time with!”

He returned to his home in Phoenix on a high note that carried him through his other visits the remainder of the year, expressing excitement about coming to see me in way I’d never heard before. He always wanted a repeat of those last days of miniature golfing and bowling, running through the sprinkler, learning to start my car (he especially loved that one) and getting to stay up all night watching silly shows until he crashed on the couch and needed to be carried to bed.

When the end comes, it’s an airplane that flies off to a distant place carrying all that matters in the world to me. Each year I stay to watch the plane disappear in the sky, I never tire of that exercise.

Thanks for reading this far. The sprinkler is on, care to join me for a run?

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11 July, 2007 at 19:48 by Tim Hief

Tags: bowling, divorce, family memories, fun time, kids leaving, son, visitation, what is important to you
Posted in Blogroll, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

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