Reality Has Replaced Vanity

Reality_has_replaced_vanityTorture by any other name is still TORTURE! In bygone years we called such things ‘racks’ and ‘coffins’, today they are known as home exercise equipment. My theory is that they were design with these Inquisition torture jigs in mind.

Of course this is in jest, the point here is that what seemed like a grand idea took on fresh dimensions of reassessment once pressed into use. I’ve worked out twice so far and have discovered a new definition to personally inflicted pain. Oddly, the “Just 20 minutes a day” sales pitch will work magnificently if you in fact do the 20 minutes each day.

Last year, June I believe, I decided to hit the gym for the first time in many years. I even paid for a personal trainer two times per week to make sure I was getting the most from my efforts. My head has gone to that space where I envisioned my newly reshaped body with bulging muscles and six pack abs on display without effort. I even imagined some day running into a former wife (left me for a dude 13 years younger than me, ouch!) or a former girlfriend (a society babe) I was involved with, and somehow maneuvering my way into showing off the new, improved hot body! Thankfully that dream is far behind me now and a more rational thought process prevails.

By September of last year my body had started to show serious signs of achieving the results I was working towards, then I went on my October road trip to Phoenix. I didn’t purchase additional time with the trainer since I wasn’t sure exactly when I’d be back. While gone I was informed my contract was ending and it was apparent the resources I had were better spent on bills. So, from the end of October to last week I only visited the gym about three times. So much for my resolve to get in shape.

It was time to come up with a workable solution, hence, the home gym purchase. Reality has replaced vanity, economy has replaced health club status.

Slowly, I’m making progress….to what exactly I don’t really know. I’ve settled into a wonderful romantic relationship, my children are largely doing well, my ex-wives are friendly, my job is stable, my cars all run well, and my body is sore again from my recommitment to stay in shape, the ocean of change is finally settling down to a smooth cruise.

Now, if I could just find someone to play chess with!

Thanks for reading this far. Pass the Tylenol please.


6 comments for “Reality Has Replaced Vanity

  1. Tim H
    February 12, 2007 at 8:27 am

    I have a 30 year high school reunion coming up as a matter of fact, at the end of June last I heard. Classmates dot com…. making it all so easy these days. Good luck with the new gym membership. For me it was just another place in which the feeling of being around people and still being alone was not what I wanted. I am a social creature, and frankly speaking the folks at the gym were all bothered to remove their iPod headsets to acknowledge even the simplest of exchanges. I get more intelligent conversation from Fang (…the Wonder Chihuahua) while torturing my body into a new shape, all while listening to Boston at high volume! BTW, this equipment is amazing! I think it's still being sold online at G.I. Joe's for only $100. It has disappeared from both Walmart and Sport Authority since I initially started my search (and subsequently bought).

  2. ****
    February 12, 2007 at 9:10 am

    I always exercise (walking/running) but recently realized I need more weight training. So– I just signed up with a new gym that opened right near my house (24 hour gym). I love it because it is low key (no muscleheads or g-string clad women walkin around). I am the type that has to get out to really get a work out. Wish me luck–my goal is to be sphelt in time for my 20th high school reunion this June. I actually bought THE DRESS for it just this weekend. Now I gotta get everything else in line for that dress. I have no ex boyfriends to impress unfortunately as I did not date anyone my age in high school. I just want to feel good in my clothes and I see the reunion as a good tool to get me there by a certain time. Now, let me get back to drinking my mountain dew.

  3. Tim H
    February 12, 2007 at 5:48 am

    Renewed vigor is a good thing too! I like that. And just so you know, 19 minutes per day would yield an odd looking 5.5 pack abs. :/

  4. Rose J.
    February 10, 2007 at 7:24 am

    I think you forgot to mention the "renewed vigor" you would enjoy once you obtained your newly reshaped body, lol. And I am curious what would happen if you only did 19 minutes a day? Are results only "guaranteed" if you do 20 minutes a day? Does it come with a timer or a miniature personal trainer who bonks you over the head if you don't complete 20 minutes? LOL. Glad to hear you are doing well, take care:)

  5. Tim H
    February 9, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    And in this case a make shift clothes line.

  6. Sunny Bee
    February 9, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    They say those thing also do a good job doubling as a coat rack, just so you know….lol, only joking….have a good one!!!!!

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