One cup dates

One_Cup_DatesI saw a woman online that I’d met some time ago. We only met for coffee one time, but agreed to meet again for a dinner at a local restaurant. During the week we exchanged a few messages but by the end of the week, as the ‘date night’ approached, she dispatched with me saying I reminder her too much of her brother-in-law. She added that she could never be romantically involved with someone like him although she thought highly of him just the same. No big deal, anyone left to swim the currents of the singles world these days comes to expect numerous “One cup” dates.

I sent her an uncomplicated email asking how things were going adding the cliché, “…it’s a jungle out there.” To my surprise she wrote back and acknowledge the jungle nature of the singles scene, but she did add a few newsy details of how her weekend had gone working on the yard, then politely ask how things were going with me.

At that point I realized my One Cup date yielded a friend. No presumption of further romance here, just a comfortable exchange to signal acceptance. The lions and wildebeests moved on and we were left to the savanna’s safe open spaces. She knew I was not a lion, I knew she was not the prey.

When was the last time you realized you had made a friend? How do you signal acceptance and a willingness for friendship after beating back a romantic advance?

Thanks for reading this far.


8 comments for “One cup dates

  1. Kim
    March 22, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Continue your cups of coffee handsome one! You never know when that cup of coffee will turn into the best glass of wine you've ever tasted! Hugs for you!

  2. Debra ^j^
    March 22, 2007 at 11:35 am

    "A friends is one who knows you as you are…
    Understands where you've been…
    Accepts who you've become…
    And still gently invites you to grow…"
    and prays for you to seek and become
    all God desires you to be!

  3. Tim H
    March 19, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    Kathy – Yes, it's a jungle out there. I'm always relieved when the predators move on.

    Monica – You are a nice friend already, wanna have a cup of coffee?

    Mark – Thank you Mark, it's nice to have you as a friend too.

    Sandy – Resigned humor is something I'm acquainted with. If I took each rejection too personally I'd be in a straight jacket. A successful single is one with a sense of humor, adventure and ideally… optimistic about the future.

    Ann – I've been on worse dates than One Cup dates. Like the ones in which you think you got off on a wrong foot and try one more date (more expensive this time) under the belief you are only being fair. Bad idea. All things being equal, I have a few more before it's all through. In anycase, I'm happy for the ones that end with truly liking each other even it not romantically.

  4. unknown
    March 19, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    One cup dates…..hmmm, there are worse kinds. I've had a couple. Any relationship that yields a friend in the end is one I can appreciate.

  5. Sandy B
    March 19, 2007 at 8:13 pm

    What a fantastic, necessary post. It's such a good thing when former lovers, even short-term 'coffee cup' sorts, can become friends; it signals a real maturity, acceptance and a sort of resigned humor. How much better than when one party tiresomely hangs on and hangs on with desperation, refusing to accept the inevitable and simply let go!

  6. sdastroguy
    March 19, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    Tim – I can't answer your questions directly. But I think it is wonderful that a cup of coffee turned into a new friend. They are be be very hard to find and once you do find one they are something to be cherished.

    You write some very good posts. I love reading them. I don't think you'll have to worry about me 'reading this far'.

  7. Monica
    March 19, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    How do I signal acceptance and a willingness for friendship…after beating back a romantic advance? Hmmmm…haven't had to do too much beating back lately because I am not out on the "HUNT" but probably in very much the same manner that you two new "friends" did!!

    Isn't it nice to make new friends!!!

    Very nice post Tim, I enjoyed reading it!

  8. kathywabucks
    March 19, 2007 at 11:50 am

    What you had to say made a lot of sense. I particularly liked the analogy of the lion and the prey. Good for you for recognizing the relationship for what it was. I remain impressed.

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