One never actually sees a relationship with a sociopath coming, they happen upon you and sweep you away with unpredictable excitement, ‘unpredictable’ being the operative word here. (Sidebar: Normal people are actually fairly unpredictable, dysfunctional ones are always predictable within their dysfunction. It’s why criminal profiles can prove so helpful to law enforcement.) If it’s excitement you want in your life I know of no other creature on earth capable of replacing the dull moments of life with high drama.
An earlier version of this blog attempted to create a light hearted discussion of the subject of relationships with a sociopath. I was going to propose a mock “For Sale: Pet Sociopath” ad and disclose all the traits one can expect from such a pet. Then I realized the painful scares from a romantic relationship with a sociopath are difficult to put in the rear view mirror, it was for me.
My release from being “sick” was in education about the condition thus freeing myself from the guilt installed while in her grasp.
Below is a list of behavioral traits that could indicate you are in a relationship with a sociopath.
- They don’t always ask for your life’s history (they’d rather tell you theirs) but since you offered the details they will use sensitive experiences against you at precisely the right time. My shorthand way to describe my sociopath was “Anything you say can and will be used against you!”
- They will never admit to being wrong about any particular situation since they truly believe nothing is ever their fault. Don’t be fooled by meaningless apologies, if it suits their end, they’ll do it.
- They are quick to dash a relationship to the rocks. It is how many gain control over their current muse. You see, normal people will be shocked at the suddenness of the break up and conclude it must have been something we did to cause such a reaction. We start to apologize for things we never really did wrong. Once that starts you have begun to yield control over to them.
- Often they have pets and treat them better than humans. The internalized belief is that animals love unconditionally and will never hurt them, unlike people. This is a tough one for normal people to understand because we would easily agree that pets are hopelessly devoted to their masters anyway.
- When pressed for resources, nothing you have is too precious for them to ask for, or extort from you. My sociopath ran sacked my dining room and living room while I was on the phone with her one morning, stuck at work, all while she demanded money to exit the relationship. Her own money had finally run out.
- When a sociopath is truly done with you, they will leave and insist on zero communication. On one ‘after break up’ contact I had with my sociopath she responded with disparaging remarks, misstating relationship facts to her advantage and then cutting and pasting in the email response the Webster’s definition for ‘loser’. Yes, I laughed out loud at that.
- They are typically vain about their looks. My sociopath was a former gymnast, never had children (never married either) and was quite attractive. Her looks were part of her seduction strategy, she knew it and worked it. (…of course I like mirrors around too, hmm)
- They rarely introduce you to their friends. Honestly, they have few long time friends but this is beside the point. Normal people are willing to share their friendships with their love interests.
- They will have impressive resumes. If you are like me, you will be impressed at the variety of positions they’ve held and the bold nature of their ‘decisions’ to move on to new things. As an aside, my sociopath’s recent job history was all verifiable, I have concluded her explanations for leaving them was the untrustworthy part of the saga.
- If you meet their family members you can count on this, none of them will disclose real dirt since the sociopath would never risk an introduction that could lead to that.
- If you make a mistake in your relationship with a sociopath that they characterize as a lie, you will always be ‘in jail’ and branded a liar forever. They will use this view to control you. The routine is the promise of someday being a trusted lover again if you mind your matters (they will decide what that is for you too btw), it’s just by their “forgiving nature” that you are getting another chance.
- A sociopath isn’t afraid to flaunt their poor behavior in front of you, remember, they already have their next ‘mark’ in full view if you dispatch with them. They will likely say how you had this coming to you, and to just take your medicine.
- A sociopath can convince you that you are the sick one and in need of help, it will do you no good to confront them with your conclusions, remember nothing is their fault.
It’s because of this episode in life that I finally understood the true value of ‘selfish dating’. My blog entitled, “Alone is better than wrong“, is a must read for any one still gripped in the torrent of dating (it is posted here too.) Had this strategy been installed in my process of dating I’d have avoided some painful events.
Metaphorically speaking, I am at the top of a mountain looking down, the view is amazing. I see the difficult paths I took to the pinnacle, I see the missed opportunities to make my journey here easier, I see where the forest line ended and the rough, cold terrain consumed the last couple of years. I am rejoining the masses after being a cave dweller. Life, after all, is in the valleys not the mountain tops.
I wanted to write this blog for some time now, considering how to frame my experiences in a way that will help others but in the end, as with all my blogs, the information is more for my benefit. I use my blogs as a marker in time, a moment of clarity, regarding the subject matter and often reread many of them. Perhaps you will add this to your reference material too.
Thanks for reading this far.