Coming or going, we're always falling!

Coming_or_goingComing or going, we’re always falling! Love shouldn’t be painful or fraught with injury yet it is casually and regularly described as a ‘falling’ endeavor. I think I’ve admitted in previous blogs to ‘falling in love way to easily,’ which some consider to be a weakness. Sadly the consequence of such clumsiness on my part is being a reluctant friend with ‘falling out of love.’

Falling out of love with someone is no small matter for those who truly loved. We must ignore, even abandon, those instincts that kicked in while our dreams flourished with our lover in mind. If you were to delve into my ‘love history’ you’d discover my willingness to embrace another with a belief that the partnership would be eternal. I only know of one love that is truly eternal (yes, a reference to God’s love) and, so it seems by my experience, human love certainly does not measure to that standard. Let me count those with whom I’ve expressed love for in my short time on terra firma: been married twice, and been formally or informally engaged four additional times and one with whom more recently I’ve express feelings of love for. Ouch! That’s a lot of falling, even by my forgiving filter of such things. Yes do that math, seven times I’ve believed in a forever partnership, seven times I discovered love to be elusive.

You can avoid love’s grasp by siding to caution, withhold the commitment to the fall all because you are certain it’s embrace is doomed. How many of us have prophesied this fate and found it self fulfilling? On a few occasions I have run into former loves and found them well adjusted and happy, despite our ‘falling out.’ Curious how it hurts to believe they’ve moved on, or perhaps they are hiding it equally as well as I am that the flame of love never really died, it was just put into the hidden room in our hearts where no draft will ever extinguish it. I can count too many times how I miscalculated the future. Love should be lived in the moment, we only have today after all.

Here are some tips to fall gracefully out of love, if you care to add to the list don’t be shy.

  • Hide the flame in the hidden room before an evil wind passes. You never know when your lover may return to the warmth you both once shared.
  • Enjoy the gifts you exchanged, after all, they were given in love.
  • If you cannot eat for awhile, do it well! Take vitamins, drink lots of water, take naps.
  • Hug your pet a lot. Pets know of no other way to be except loving. You can learn something by their example.
  • Remember, being alone is not an eternal curse, and neither is longing to be with someone.
  • Go to sleep every night to music and wake up every morning. Going through the motions of your daily routines will serve you well. One day you’ll wake up, breath easier, your easy smile and delightful laugh will return. When that happens, love will knock at your door again.

I have loved, I have been loved, I want both again.

Thanks for reading this far.

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14 comments for “Coming or going, we're always falling!

  1. Kathyrn B
    March 17, 2007 at 12:29 pm

    Falling out of love is one of the hardest things I've had to go thru. The best part was learning that the love I felt for that person gradually faded away. But the loving feeling comes from your own soul. No one can ever take that away. Love yourself, your life and love will follow you everywhere.

  2. The Magician
    March 12, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    Cool blog man. I contemplate love daily. The one thing I do understand about it, is that you don't fall out. I have been in love twice. I have been heartbroken twice. Two lessons in love that I have learned is that it is unconditional. I love this person even if we are not together. I still love the two woman. The lasst one was a realy hard lesson because I was in the moment the whole relationship and made it a point to remind myself that I love this person even if we are not together. I was put hard to my words. NOw I am learning to love myself in recovering and gaining the wisdom of my past experiences. COuld you add me as a friend please? I like your mind and would like to keep in touch
    Cheers
    Dustin

  3. Sandy B
    March 6, 2007 at 10:25 pm

    Oh yes, another aid to recovery is lots of good quality imported bittersweet chocolate. It works for me!

  4. Sandy B
    March 6, 2007 at 3:31 pm

    Hi Tim – I hadn't read this blog until now, so now I understand what you were saying…. Very enlightening! Very well written blog; I have only really been in love twice, perhaps three times in my life; when I do it's for the long haul; I was definitely a retriever in a past life, like one of those dogs that mourns his master long after he's departed for the afterlife. šŸ™‚ I can't imagine going through that kind of angst over and over. Excellent advice though….

  5. Rose J.
    March 6, 2007 at 9:35 am

    At least your heart is open to love, desires it, wants it. I would rather have that type of soul to fall in love with than the one who tries to push it away and resist it. So I guess I am pretty much saying what Eve has already stated in her comment, but it's true. I haven't fallen in love so many times, but I never gave up the hope. You seem to have a lot going for you, Tim, a loving heart, kindness, a belief in God and a spiritual soul, a nice car (LOL), okay sorry, just j/k there, but maybe, you need to slow down your expectations just a wee bit? I know that goes against who you are as a person, but try first to see if you like your potential loved one as good friend first? Work on friendship first, and if love developes..yea! Go for it.

  6. ****
    March 6, 2007 at 9:33 am

    It is great to read a "love and lost" blog that actually ends with HOPE! Yay! This demonstrates the power that love has over us. Even though we have been hurt, the scars really never quite completely prevent us from feeling love again–if we keep our minds open.

  7. Tim H
    March 5, 2007 at 10:36 pm

    Hi Ann, I hope you didn't get the "never in love to start with" conclusion from what I wrote. May it never be, in fact the entire concept of hiding the 'still burning flame' is all about the on-going nature of love. If you were truly in love, I think that endures. I like your assertion of the love being redefined, it's a sympathetic way of viewing the process.

  8. unknown
    March 5, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    Tim, your blog made me wonder…..is it really possible to "fall out" of love? Couldn't one also describe it as a redefining of emotions? When a person is attracted – for any number of reasons – to another, he/she looks at life through a different pair of glasses. I refuse to conclude that if one "falls out" of love, then he/she was never in love to start with. As for falling out of love gracefully, you have compiled a wonderful list of tips. I would add: continue to converse with the former love, if he/she is not adverse! šŸ™‚

    Finally, we can still love, even if we are not "in love." I believe this with all my heart.

  9. Sub_Zero
    March 5, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    ur right, i did benefit from reading ur post. sometimes i wonder if it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…

  10. Debra ^j^
    March 5, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    I see…then perhaps you need to change your violent angry photo to one of a serene waterfall or a soothing sea. You do not want to give the wrong impression of what you are feeling or going through, Tim. And prayer is the ONLY good thing we can do when our life's are out of control. Thank you for adding it, Tim. Deb as always

  11. Tim H
    March 5, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    I should clear something up…. I'm not torn up like I was a year ago when "She who will remain nameless" departed with a scorched earth policy, leaving no insult unsaid, etc. The person I was referring to is a lovely gentle woman, it just wasn't gonna happen for us. In fact, she had a very calming effect on me that still exists today, we freely talk and chat nearly as much just without the additional expectations. On balance, I'm much better off after than I was before.

    I have few regrets about my past loves, mistakes notwithstanding, I'm better off for embracing each one.

    As for adding prayer to the list, that's always a good thing, consider it added.

  12. Debra ^j^
    March 5, 2007 at 6:04 pm

    Tim,

    I am so sorry that you are going through this again. I sincerely emphasize with you, Tim, having gone through a similar heartache myself last September. A part of you always wonders what you could have done or said differently. A portion of your heart always loves them.

    Sometimes it is best to take a step back and look at your life's pattern. Perhaps you do not have all the answers. Perhaps you need to go to the One that does. God is the only one who knows us thoroughly and loves us unconditionally. Only God knows what is best for Tim.

    I would add to your list, "Seek God first, pray continuously, listen to His answer, then follow what He says."

    You have a kind, caring, and loving heart and soul, Tim. Stop hurting yourself over and over…give it ALL to God…then just BE.

    Love,
    Debra

  13. Monica
    March 5, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    I think that another good tip to add to your list Tim might be to hang up a "Do not Disturb" sign on your door. Although, like Mark said you get to get back up again after falling…sometimes it is best to keep love at bay for a while! (((HUGS))) for you hon!!

  14. sdastroguy
    March 5, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    Tim

    This is a great post. I've not had to fall as much as you have. Maybe I've been lucky. But the good part of falling is that you get to get back up as well.

    I like your tips. I wish someone would have shared them with me about 22 years ago – the time I fell hard and could have used them.

    Thanks again for posting this.

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