Finally, she asked me something that I didn’t understand in the slightest, and paused to let me answer. My head was swimming. I had no idea — absolutely no idea — what she had said. But it sounded like an open-ended question. She was sitting like a cocker spaniel, head slightly cocked, waiting for me to respond. My mind raced, searching for some slight recognition a word — any word — she had used. Nothing came back.
Category: Lessons learned
Verbal arrows that leave the bow can never be returned. They may not hit the mark you intended but they will most certainly hit something tender. The “shoot from the hip” strategy is reckless, be considerate of what you say. “Damn the consequences” usually concludes with consequences that will damn you.
Then, as we looked down on the dogfish, something else emerged. It also had sharp fins and a distinctive tail, and it was following the dogfish in its lazy circles. Only this thing was not on my line. And it was bigger than our boat. A lot bigger.
The more that I reject the convenient option, the more that I find that, really, it doesn’t take me much time at all to do it myself and it makes me wonder whether some of this stuff is really even more convenient at all.
They didn’t mention that, in essence, just when I was on the cusp of getting to walk out on stage as one of the leads in my final season, they were asking me to fall on my sword gracefully and join the nameless chorus.
During an amazing moment of clarity I discovered the walls and trenches made me a prisoner, they in fact surrounded me, something akin to the Berlin Wall. While I looked out and saw others moving on to new relationships, exciting relationships that I wanted too, I was unreachable because I’d built my own Berlin wall. I had a circle of friends that would ‘fly in’, but would always escape to freedom when the visit was over. This walled city, the prison, was of my own doing.
Gina made it out of the parking lot about 30 seconds before me, as I pulled out I recall thinking I hope she doesn’t make the light so I can wave goodbye one more time.
The little lead footed debutante easily made the light and onto the freeway.
I was at the light, two cars back and considering calling her. The light changed, the two cars in front of me move off quickly, I was a bit slow on the gas this time. Just as I entered the intersection I could see a car up on the concrete median coming my way, sparks and car parts flying in every direction.
One I lost, one I saved. Last week I was reminded of an event most only associate with a TV show or movie they’ve watched. On screen brutality, no matter it be a bar room fight, a mugging or even a murder, is lost to us because it’s only 2D. Seeing those acts of aggression in the real world, in 3D without colored glasses, is a surreal experience. At least that’s how it was for me on January 19th, 1985. That was a day that altered my sense of personal security and my willingness to intercede on the behalf of another. I was witness to a murder.